a letter to survivors of domestic violence

I have to let myself be ok with how much I loved that man.

This is perhaps one of the hardest things that a survivor of abuse has to come to terms with. Self-forgiveness. No matter what it might be for. 

We may sometimes feel so much shame. 
Shame for what our exes did. 
Shame for not having left sooner. 
But the shame of knowing that you truly loved the man whose hands had bruised you. ... overwhelming.

Enter Isaiah 61. This is such a beautiful passage for a woman who has been captive.  Has known heartbreak and deep darkness. Guilt. These words bring comfort,  hope, and joy.  This is the hope we have in God.

" He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—" 


There is emotional healing. Sisters, Jesus wants to mend the very softest, most painful spots in our aching hearts. Our God not only is able, but desires, to "bind up the brokenhearted."  To heal those wounds.  To aid in our recovery.  God desires your heart to be restored. 

There is light. I know you've known darkness, because I have too. A thick, heavy darkness that is tangible. The darkness of depression and anxiety.  Loneliness. Fear.  Walls of darkness.  Walls that when stacked up against each other created a prison.  God wants to "proclaim freedom" for your life.  Proclamations are loud ladies!  And God wants to speak a decree of freedom from the darkness to you.

Comfort is a form of vengeance. Strife was probably your life.  Constant turmoil. A sense of never ending uneasiness. Moments of peace became fleeting memories of days past, because if your body was not agitated,  your mind sure was.  So to find safety and rest, is such a sweet blessing.  It brings about an opportunity for vengeance not in a sense of "getting even" but in "getting comforted."  The greater peace comes from knowing that God cares for you and has a definite plan for your life. He wants to comfort you day by day.